The Beer of Dicks
Recent experience suggests that I need to add to my list of methods for Being a Dick on Public Transportation. This one is pretty straightforward and extremely effective: all you have to do is stumble onto the F-train platform at about 8:15 on a Monday morning, reeking of alcohol and body odor, and stuff yourself into a subway car that’s already filled to capacity (and then some). Open a fresh can of Budweiser, dispensing with the usual brown paper bag. Then, as the train begins to move and you fail to find anything to hold onto, fall into the commuters around you and spill your beer all over me. Asshole.
I know it’s blasphemous but he could have at least spilled Mike’s on you or something equivalently appealing that you could smell and think about during the rest of the trip. Not Rocky Mountain piss water. I mean, c’mon, have some dignity! Get blasted on something worthwhile.