You know, Interweb, I’ll say this for you: you have a remedy for everything under the fucking sun. First it was a variety of substances that you invited me to rub on my head, and now it’s a collection of things that are supposed to be good for my feet. I don’t know what the hell your parents were into, but I’m pretty sure that neither tomato paste nor butter has anything to do with making my skin grow back. My feet are not a tasty pasta dish, they are merely the victims of a tragic combination of alcohol and boot-related vanity!