The head-scratchy continues unabated, although I assure you my scalp appreciates your concern, as well as your wildly creative and occasionally upsetting treatment suggestions. Aloe? Hey, why not. Olive oil? Maybe (but let me be totally clear - my head is not for eating). Bodily fluids, toxic chemicals, and animal byproducts of any kind? You’re fucking fired.

I’ve been keeping things more or less under control with hydrocortisone, ibuprofen, and loratadine. The worst of it is my poor burny ears. Oh, the fire of death and flaming doom that has engulfed my ears! Unfeeling hairdresser, I curse thee!