If you ever make the mistake of letting a stylist named Flash color your hair with a dye to which you are allergic, the important thing to remember is not to scratch your head, no matter how itchy and burny and awful it is. To that end, it is essential to keep busy:

1. Knitting is pretty much perfect because not only does it distract you from the horror of your scalp, it keeps your hands busy so you can’t even scratch absentmindedly.

2. Watching Chris play SSX3 is also entertaining, and can even be combined with knitting.

3. Take three to four showers daily, during which you shampoo your hair up to fifteen times in a single twenty-four hour period. Short of shaving your head, this (plus the occasional well-placed dab of Cortaid and a healthy dose of bitching about Flash the Fuckhead) is really all you can do when you suddenly find yourself allergic to your hair.

4. Be grateful that your hair is no longer waist-length, and that you are ultimately willing to shave it off if things become unbearable.