Some of you may remember that I grudgingly shell out for fancy panties, but only when they’re on sale. And those of you familiar with the machinations of Victoria and her Secret may also be aware that they typically have only two sales a year - a semi-annual sale, in fact. So it’s that time again, and I decided last night to brave the gigantic store on 34th (the one that used to be an HMV) to stock up on undergarments for the next six months. I innocently assumed that a larger store might mean less crowding - I tried last week to shop the sale at the SoHo location closer to my office, but it’s a pretty small store and was filled well beyond capacity.

So the 34th street store is much, much larger, but as it turns out that just means it has a proportionally much, much larger crowd. Women layered two and three deep in wriggling herds around the clearance bins, harried-looking salespeople trying to sort the contents of discarded shopping bags by size and color and chasing anyone looking lost with a tape measure and the offer of a free fitting. I have never in my life had so many different women ask me my cup size in the space of half an hour (not to mention whether I’d like matching panties with that).

Braving the clearance bins myself was a disturbing, communal experience. Most of the females were grim and focused on their task, grabbing anything in the right color and checking the tag for style and size. Some women, it turns out, wear only low-rise v-strings, while others display a fanatical (and mystifying) devotion to The Almighty Thong. Some, tottering in heels worn with capri pants, are defininitely the women you see on the subway carrying their lunches in those pink striped Victoria’s Secret gift bags. Once in a while, the occasional school-uniformed pre-teen in the company of a parent, looking for something unassuming in white cotton, and one weirdly cheerful guy asking his girlfriend whether her mother would be a medium or a large in high-cut briefs.

I eventually made it out with enough unmentionables to last me another half-year, not so very much the poorer and without acquiring anything made of lace - but will I be so lucky next time?