Emma is unavailable for posting today. Instead, please enjoy selected wisdom from the unfathomable depths of xihr:

• SOMETIMES I DON’T POO WHEN I’M SUPPOSED TO
• WHEN THE LIGHTS GO OFF I THINK THERE ARE MONSTERS INSIDE ME
• WHEN IT’S TIME GO TO THE DENTIST SOMETIMES I DON’T WANT TO
• IF I COULD SIT AT HOME AND NOT WORK BUT STILL BUY EVERYTHING I WANT I’D DO THAT
• I’M AFRAID OF THE FUTURE
• I DON’T LIKE POOPING BECAUSE IT’S MESSY AND SMELLS BAD
• WHEN I GET AN EMAIL THAT SAYS MAKE MONEY FAST I DELETE IT
• ONCE TIME I THOUGHT I WAS HAVING A HEART ATTACK BUT IT WAS JUST A BIG MAN STANDING ON ME
• THE TRUTH HURTS PARTICULARLY WHEN IT IS FOLLOWED BY A PUNCH
• SOMETIMES WHEN I RELIVE MEMORIES IN MY MIND I WISHED I’D JUST KILLED EVERYBODY INVOLVED
• THE BEST THING ABOUT JOHN GOODMAN MOVIES IS WHEN YOU FANTASIZE ABOUT KILLING HIM FOR WASTING YOUR TIME AFTERWARDS
• I THINK FILKING SHOULD BE RENAMED TO ‘FOLK SINGING’
• SOMETIMES I’M AT HOME ON A SATURDAY NIGHT BECAUSE MY ‘FRIENDS’ DON’T ‘LIKE ME’ AND ‘DON’T WANT ME ANYWHERE AROUND THEM’
• SOMETIMES I LIKE TO BE REFERRED TO WITH THE HONORIFIC MS.
• POOPING TWICE IN THE SAME DAY IS LIKE A FULL MOON TWICE IN THE SAME MONTH