1. While exiting a blissfully warm shower to stand dripping in a Januaried apartment with remarkably sporadic heating ranks high on the list of unpleasant ways to exit a blissfully warm shower, the experience can be immensely improved if you leave your clothes on your sporadically functioning heater while you’re in the shower, because while it’s this huge crushing disappointment if you find them still cold when you’re done (because of the sporadic functioning of the heater), the risk of suffering the huge crushing disappointment is more than outweighed by the absolute heaven that is putting on freshly heater-toasted clothes after your shower.

2. Yes, that was all one sentence.

3. The absolute heaven of freshly heater-toasted clothes and the relative difficulty in obtaining it has led me to contemplate what would happen if I were to try microwaving my clothes. On the one hand, I’m picturing a firey inferno in what used to be my microwave, consisting of, like, my favorite pajama bottoms and my Clockwork Orange hoodie that I like to sleep in. On the other hand, I’m picturing my clothes being seriously warm after maybe eight seconds on medium, although I guess defrost might be wiser for the pajama bottoms.

4. Speaking of showers and getting back to this whole discovery theme here for just a minute, it turns out that these people make a Banana Nut three-in-one shampoo, conditioner, and body wash that functions more effectively as a shave gel than any shave gel I’ve ever used in my life. I ran out of my usual shave gel a few days ago, you see, and of course I haven’t remembered to write down on the little Chococat notepad on my fridge that I’m out of shave gel and so I haven’t remembered to buy any; this has led to drastic mid-shower measures as it never occurs to me until I’m sopping wet and in need of shave gel that I’ve forgotten, yet again, to buy some. But so this Banana Nut stuff - not only does it work really, really well with regard to shaving but it smells really wonderful in a making-me-hungry kind of way. Although crazy people who don’t like bananas probably wouldn’t agree.

5. It turns out, too, that it’s really more difficult than I would have thought to get a sock on over an Ace bandage, especially when it’s one of those newfangled sticky Ace bandages that’s supposed to obviate the need for the little clippy things that fasten Ace bandages but really just make it so that when you’re trying to get the sock on, the fucking bandage just sticks to the sock instead of itself.