I’m usually as tired of The Onion as everyone else, but this one made me giggle: “It’s criminal,” RIAA president Hilary Rosen said. “Anyone at any time can simply turn on a radio and hear a copyrighted song. Making matters worse, these radio stations often play the best, catchiest song off the album over and over until people get sick of it. Where is the incentive for people to go out and buy the album?”

Also: I consider eating an entire three pound bag of apples this week an accomplishment to be proud of. Where’s my commemorative plaque?