(or What To Do When The Humidity Gets Really Ridiculous; Seriously, It’s Like The Air Is Liquid Or Something)

1. Proceed directly to the Greenmarket in Union Square. “But Emma, that’s outside, in the sun!” I know, I know, but we’re talking long term benefits here. These benefits will become apparent once you get back home with your bags of fresh salad greens and OH MY GOD those pea pods that you can really just eat raw they’re so good and for once you don’t have to cook anything for dinner, you can make strange large salads with very little dressing because they don’t even need it and everything is cold and moist and fucking crisp and there’s no ovens involved at all.

2. When inside, at your house, don’t bother with clothes unless you’re expecting the UPS guy, in which case wait at the window until he shows up (thank you David) and then run back inside and immediately strip down to a bra and/or boxers (as the case may be). Leave your windows open and your blinds closed for maximum breeze with minimum gawking.

3. Get a god damned Brita pitcher. Seriously, these are the best things ever. As long as you remember to actually refill it after you drink THE ENTIRE CONTENTS AT ONCE, there’s always this huge receptacle filled with unbelievably good water that’s cold. Colder than tap water and it doesn’t even need ice, and I think they put crack in the filters or something because it tastes so good that you’ll be drinking it constantly which is probably beneficial anyway what with that drink eight glasses of water a day thing that everyone was talking about a couple years ago.

4. I’ve been told chewing on ice is bad for your teeth, but that smacks of one of those things that everyone says (like “drink eight glasses of water a day”) but nobody knows what source, exactly, this really valuable information is coming from. I like chewing on ice.

5. If sitting around naked (full of salad and Brita water and chewing on ice) isn’t enough for you, I guess you could try getting drunk enough that you don’t care how hot it is. I guess I could try that, actually.