so last night was the covenant/and one show… it turns out icon of coil were opening for and one, which i didn’t know about but was really cool, since i didn’t see them when they played downtime a couple of weeks ago. i met up with spencer at his office around eight, just when this thunderstorm came out of nowhere and it started raining torentially. spencer and i hopped a cab and got to limelight about ten minutes before the show was scheduled to start, but it turned out they hadn’t even started letting people in yet. we headed for the end of the line, but gundam saw us so we waited with him right up near the front [yay cutting in line!]. strict9 and piz0r were also there, and a couple people i hadn’t met before. they kept us outside in the rain for maybe forty five minutes, which sucked, but spencer had an umbrella at least. once we were in finally i had a drink with gundam - a red devil that i noticed at the time as being particularly strong.

icon were great; they have a really impressive stage presence and i enjoyed their set even though i’m not a huge icon fan. they played both shallow nation and floorkiller, predictably enough, but it was overall really cool. spencer and i were smooshed in with the crowd way up near the front of the stage; maybe one person back and three right from front and center. while we were standing around waiting for and one to start, i began feeling really dizzy. i remember my vision started to get all splotchy and everything was fuzzy; i couldn’t really keep my balance so i told spencer i was going to the bathroom and started to push through the crowd. just when i got to the edge, where the stairs to the balcony were, i couldn’t stand up anymore and had to sit down; shortly thereafter i blacked out and the next thing i remember is hearing and one in the middle of techno man. i was still really dizzy and i couldn’t really see anything except these huge splotches of color, and i was mildly hallucenating. it was scary. i stayed sitting where i was through and one’s set; anthony saw me and came over to see if i was okay. eventually i felt pretty much fine, if a bit lightheaded. covenant were just about to start so i made my way back through the crowd to where spencer still was and was okay through the covenant set, which was great. they played all of my favorites [although spencer was pissy they didn't play replicant]. i told spencer what had happened and we figured it was maybe because i’d had alcohol on an empty stomach, although i’ve done that before and never passed out. i decided i should probably eat something, so after the show let out we walked over to cafeteria, this place on 7th ave and 17th street with positively orgasmic mashed potatoes. i had a veggie burger and felt okay, but very tired, so i decided to take a cab home. i didn’t really relish the thought of losing consciousness on the subway. i still don’t know what happened exactly; apparently the hallucenations i was having were very like those i might have had on acid, which makes me wonder if my drink was laced, but i sort of doubt that. anyway, i’m fine now and the show was great, although i have this really awful headache.

thanks to killfile [of #penny-arcade on irc.penny-arcade.com] for a really awesome package that arrived in my mail today - knowing my fondness for the british soda tango, he sent me a box full of tango-flavored crunchie bars, which are very yummy. hooray for british candy!

my hands are freezing. the rest of me was freezing until a few minutes ago when i put on more layers. now i am wearing three pairs of socks, two pairs of pajama bottoms, two long underwear shirts, a hoodie, and a hat. but no gloves. so my hands are still cold. why the fuck is it this chilly in april? it’s not fair.

derPapst denies his cuteness. he is a silly boy.

i did the dishes three times today. go me. i also cleaned out my fridge, went grocery shopping, took out the trash, and started cleaning the bathroom. and finally bought my covenant tickets. woo.

tomorrow i have to go to the bank. have to have to have to.

i forgot to buy covenant tickets again. watch them be sold out or something. i guess it wouldn’t be a huge deal; i like both and one and covenant, but not so much that i’ll cry myself to sleep if i don’t get to go to the show. i did find out it’s at limelight though, and not downtime, which is good. downtime is quite possibly the worst venue ever for a concert. good for a club, yes, but wretched for a show. i remember at the funker vogt show in july or whatever i was standing at the top of the stairs to the mezz, looking down over the lower level, where the stage is. everyone was packed so tightly that you literally couldn’t move. and of course i was wearing velvet. in july. it was gross. and anyway by the second or third song the downstairs bit was filled completely with fog from the fog machine and you couldn’t see the stage anyway, so i went upstairs and watched the rest of the show with cindy on the monitor over the bar. much more pleasant. the limelight, though - that’s a good concert venue. i saw vnv nation and apoptygma berzerk there. also haujobb and velvet acid christ. that was before i’d ever talked to bryan. bryan does an impression of ronan from vnv that makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts.

i’ve been smoking more lately. not really that much, still, but more than i used to. i wonder if i’m finally addicted to nicotine, after two years of smoking. i don’t really need another addiction to feed - the caffeine thing is annoying enough, when i wake up with a headache that doesn’t go away till i’ve had my second cup of coffee. there’s a reason i keep a tin of penguin mints next to my bed. although there’s another penguin tin that does not, as hot soup can verify, contain mints.

i had cheerios this morning in my chococat cereal bowl, while watching pokemon. it was obnoxiously cute. db_ will probably make fun of me, but that’s okay. he is my little deebeemon.

i talked to bryan last night for the first time in a while. he’s been working a lot on the new vac album, with paul i guess. it won’t be released for quite a while though - sometime in 2002, probably.

my todo list for today: clean the bathroom, go grocery shopping, clean out the fridge, do laundry, and network the g4 with the imac. i finally found a power cable for my hub. woo. nerdfest at emma’s. i may or may not go to batcave tonight; i want to because i haven’t been in a couple of weeks, but i might not because i think a lot of people are skipping it in favor of the covenant show on monday, and there’s no point in spending money on batcave if there’s not going to be anyone interesting there. i guess i’ll see later today.

i keep forgetting to buy covenant tickets. the show is monday. i should buy them tonight.

you should all go check out db_’s new camstills archive, both because he is a sexy manbitch and because i designed it. deebee is quite possibly the cutest boy ever, although he’s totally in denial about this. jons is also pretty damn cute, even if he does spend all his time playing counterstrike.

so gundam was supposed to come over today but he bailed on me because he’s a lazy dork. i still like him though. plus i covet his pikachu.

i got in one of my cleaning moods yesterday and did the kitchen. i still have to clean out the fridge and take down some old boxes of junk but it’s looking a lot better than it was and everything’s a lot easier to get at now. it’s easier to cook in there and whatnot, now. yay cleaning. next up is the bathroom, i guess. i lead an exciting life, yes i do.

i’m really tempted to redye my hair right now, since it’s not like i have a dress code to worry about, but i guess i won’t, since that wouldn’t be good in interviews and everything. but it’s been such a long time since i had red hair and i miss it muchly. every time in ricky’s i stare at the sfx shelf for way too long, trying to talk myself out of buying candy apple red. it’s been over a year since my hair was something other than black, and i miss it.

she’s got it, yeah baby she’s got it

when you were young, you were the king of carrot flowers, and how you built a tower tumbling through the trees.

one thing i miss from before i moved to new york: the summer after my senior year in high school, when i was working two shitty part time jobs to save up money for the move, and i would get up at like four or five am while it was still dark and drive about an hour to adam’s house in watertown, and we would have breakfast and wander around in the purple morning before it was time for me to drive back home and go to work. and then i’d spend the long overly air conditioned afternoon serving other people coffee and sneaking out to the payphone to call him for a few minutes when there weren’t any customers.

it was with adam that i smoked my first clove, and here i am two years later, till smoking them. i miss him sometimes.

that’s always the way though - when you remember things like that, it’s the good parts you remember. especially with exes. i don’t know that that’s necessarily a bad thing, though - why not think of the bits that made you happy rather than the bits that made it all end, eventually? it makes for more enjoyable nostalgia, i guess.

i sometimes wonder what the emma who graduated from hamilton-wenham regional high school in the top five percent and went off to nyu to join the scholar’s program, the emma who was deleriously in love with adam and wore black nail polish all the time and worked at a deli, would think of the emma who’s sitting here now in a bauhaus shirt someone left at her house, looking for another web design job and trying to remember to pay her rent on time. i suppose we are still the same person, but one of us is wearing blue leopard print undies and is significantly more cynical than the other.

i am half-watching frasier. kelsey grammar rocks, even though i can’t hear his voice without thinking sideshow bob.

i spent most of yesterday with james. it was really, really good to see him again. we’d been doing the “yes we’ll hang out soon” thing for weeks. months maybe. i met him for the early show of akira at the same theater i saw it with spencer at on friday. you just can’t have too much akira. we got there sort of early so we went for coffee and checked out a comic store. after the movie we wandered around st mark’s street for a bit; all in all it was great.

i always forget to turn on the shower and let it warm up before i step into the tub. always. and then of course the cold water hits me and i feel really stupid. and then i realize that i didn’t get a fresh razor out of the medicine cabinet and i have to step out again because i can’t reach, even if i lean way over. i’ve tried.

i leave the conditioner in while i shave. if i remember. and i have to try and move fairly quickly because i don’t want to run out of hot water, and then of course i go too quickly and cut myself.

because i live alone, sometimes i forget and leave the bathroom door open while i’m in the shower. this is not a good thing, not in the winter, because then you climb out of the tub and the bathroom is shockingly cold and you don’t get to stand there lazily and wait for the mirror to defog while examining your shaving cut or cuts and deciding if a band-aid or two might be in order.

and then a towel to wrap around me and a towel for my hair. the one for my hair is smaller, and grey. the rest of my towels are black. i bought them back when everything i bought was black. my sheets are also black, for the same reason.

i always drip all over the bedroom. my hair is very long, and holds a lot of water, i guess. people who have lived with me complain about the puddles i leave on the floor. unpleasant to discover with socks, apparently. which i suppose is reasonable.

i end up wrapped in my towels at my desk, of course, because what else am i going to do while i wait to be dry enough to get dressed. and then i get involved in talking to someone, or i start working on something, and i end up still sitting there in my towels long after i am dry and i don’t notice until i’m shivering that i’m not actually wearing clothes.

i lead a very exciting life.