when you were young, you were the king of carrot flowers, and how you built a tower tumbling through the trees.

one thing i miss from before i moved to new york: the summer after my senior year in high school, when i was working two shitty part time jobs to save up money for the move, and i would get up at like four or five am while it was still dark and drive about an hour to adam’s house in watertown, and we would have breakfast and wander around in the purple morning before it was time for me to drive back home and go to work. and then i’d spend the long overly air conditioned afternoon serving other people coffee and sneaking out to the payphone to call him for a few minutes when there weren’t any customers.

it was with adam that i smoked my first clove, and here i am two years later, till smoking them. i miss him sometimes.

that’s always the way though - when you remember things like that, it’s the good parts you remember. especially with exes. i don’t know that that’s necessarily a bad thing, though - why not think of the bits that made you happy rather than the bits that made it all end, eventually? it makes for more enjoyable nostalgia, i guess.

i sometimes wonder what the emma who graduated from hamilton-wenham regional high school in the top five percent and went off to nyu to join the scholar’s program, the emma who was deleriously in love with adam and wore black nail polish all the time and worked at a deli, would think of the emma who’s sitting here now in a bauhaus shirt someone left at her house, looking for another web design job and trying to remember to pay her rent on time. i suppose we are still the same person, but one of us is wearing blue leopard print undies and is significantly more cynical than the other.