i appear to have broken my toe again. i fell down the stairs. heh, i feel like such a goof. this is the same one i broke years ago playing soccer. it’s not a big deal but it does hurt and it means i’m not up for dancing tonight. probably a good thing anyway, because not going out means i’ll save money and have a chance of being productive tomorrow.

this whole unemployment thing is very strange. the days sort of blend together. i haven’t had that happen since the summer vacation after my senior year in high school, which would have been summer of 1999. that was the last real vacation i had, actually, if you don’t include spring break at nyu the following year. i worked all through last summer, and i never did take more than two of my vacation days, which i used to give myself a four day weekend over christmas.

things i don’t miss: my fucking cunt of a boss; the vice president. quite probably the most vile human being i’ve ever met in my life. both stupid and malicious, which is bad enough, except that she’s also in a position of relative authority. the only person above her in the company is the ceo, who is just as bad but who at least is never at the office. i also don’t miss getting up at six, but that really wasn’t so bad. i don’t miss not having time to work on my own sites, and i don’t miss never getting enough sleep. i feel perfectly healthy for the first time in months - i don’t even think i realized while i was working how run down i was getting. i don’t miss meetings. i don’t miss being treated like a fucking mcdonald’s worker despite being the senior designer on staff.

that said, i’ve had my vacation and i’ve definitely got the itch to start working again. i like having somewhere to go every day, something to accomplish. i like being challenged. i like geting paid. for now i’m doing personal projects, which is all well and good, but it’s not the same at all.

i’ve been missing my father a lot lately. i think he and i got a little closer while my mother was away, and i haven’t seen him at all since christmas. we’re both terrible about calling, although i’m probably worse than he is. my dad is one of the few people for whom i have an unqualified admiration, and i’m feeling rather keenly the lack of contact we’ve had since i moved out. he’s an amazing man, and i probably don’t tell him that nearly enough.

my dad’s one of the few people with whom i don’t have that feeling of needing to seem tough, although that doesn’t strike me as quite the word. more like i’m not comfortable showing vulnerabiltiy around very many people, but with him i don’t mind. i mean, he’s my dad. he’s always supported me in everything i’ve chosen to do, even when he didn’t really agree with it. he doesn’t understand what i do for a living, having never used a computer in his life, but he understands that i love what i do and that’s enough for him. and that’s not a quality i take for granted.

anyway. i’m all mushy now. i’m going to go take a shower.